Things are looking up!

People kept telling me that things were going to get worse before they would get better and ya everything was really bad. Now finally things are better...everything! First off, Patrick and I are back together! We both realize that we really love each other and we don't want to be apart anymore. Alot of things happened but if we get through it all we are going to be stronger for it. I am so happy to have him back! I also was offered an awesome job and can't wait to start!

Now I am just working on getting everything back on trac but it looks good. Thanks to everyone's support through all of this.

I will keep everyone updated on what happens from here on out! Thanks again for reading! =0)

Rock Bottom

... I really don't know where to start. My life is a total mess and I can't help but to think that it is all my fault.

I was fired from my job almost 2 weeks ago and I feel as though I have applied to a million places and no one is getting back to me. After I pay rent I have nothing! I don't know what to do and its a fight to keep going everyday because I get so discouraged!

My living situation sux...that's a whole other story.

And I still don't know where things are going with Patrick. I love him so much, I have never felt this way about anyone in my whole life! I hurt so bad not knowing if we are ever going to be together again. I really can't picture my life without him. I don't know what I was thinking ever messing that up and I truly hate myself for that. He is seeing someone now and I can't blame him but he says he is torn. I can see that he is scared but I can't take this waiting around. It hurts way to bad but then again I don't want to push him to a decision and him make the one I don't want. I just don't know anymore! I am really truly disgusted at myself for letting this happen! He says he still loves me but I don't know if he ever really wants to be with me again. And again it hurts so bad! I would give anything just to be married to him right now! I want our family back! I cry almost everyday and I can't keep being like this. I really don't know what to do at this point. I don't know what more I can say, what more I can do to show him that I am truly sorry and I realize what went wrong and I want to change it.

I have truly hit rock bottom!

I F***ed Up!

Wow what the hell was I thinking!?!?!? I had the most wonderful man, who took care of me and was the father of my child for the last 2 years and I gave that up all because I thought I was missing out on something!?!?!

I realize I had everything when I was with Patrick and if you read my previous blogs it even says I was the happiest I had ever been in my life and I truely still believe that. I really messed things up! I really hate myself at this point. I hurt the one person who I loved so much and who loved me back! I really think it was just cold feet and it was handled all wrong!

Someone please tell me what to do. I am trying to show him I still care and I still love him! I am planning on little surprises everyweek to show him how sorry I am and how much I still really care. I already made him a cd of all the songs that we had or that remind him of me or me of him and wrote a note on his car saying, " I heart U!" (thats what I did when we first started dating) he really liked it but alot is going on in my life and I think its hurting my chances of a second chance. I also plan on a goody basket of things he would really like... please let me know if you have any ideas...Im willing to do anything!!!! I dont want to loose what we had! I love him more than anything!!! (India is a different kind of love)! I want him back!

Shedding a New Light

It’s funny how things can change so suddenly. One day you think you have your whole life figured out and then the next you have no clue. One day I was all ready and willing to get married and thought I had found the man of my dreams and I am still not sure if it was cold feet or something else but it all ended.

For the most part I am glad I have this opportunity to reflect, to really look at my life and ask my self, “What do I want?” I think I have had this perception of how I want to be my whole life; however, I still have not achieved it. I feel like I don’t even look the way I want because I care too much about what everyone else thinks and I have chosen the “safe” way. I have really put what I want on hold for everyone else and I think I was kind of getting sick of it. Obviously I still have to put India before myself and I have done that and will continue to do that.

So right now I am going to try to be more independent. I have been pretty sheltered my whole life and soon after I turned 18 I was pregnant so I have never really had time on my own to experience new things and be independent. I need to do that for myself now. It’s going to be hard but I think I can manage.

I know everyone has heard this before but I guess I just realized how true it is… you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. I don’t think I have ever really been even ok with myself and it’s hard. I am working on it and will continue to work on it for myself and no one else. I am not trying to empress anyone but just be happy with myself. I cannot stress enough how important that is before you get into a relationship. I also think it is good to have some independence before you jump into a marriage. You need to know for yourself that you can survive on your own and not rely on anyone else to help you. That way the relationship will have a healthy balance.

I am gaining a whole new outlook on life and I’m excited to see where it will take me.

Bulging Bride?

I haven’t written one of these in a while and it looks as thought some people are noticing. I have been stressed lately with my crazy job and my wedding planning that I have had too many thoughts in my head to actually type something decent out.

So its about 6 weeks until my wedding and I have a huge problem. (That huge part being ME) So the other weekend I went with Patrick’s mom and sister to David’s Bridal to get his sister’s brides maids dress and I got myself one of those bra things that you wear that go all the way down your tummy. I was excited to try my dress on with it since the last time it was a bit snug around my chest area and I was sure that this would help! Well I had to have help putting that dumb bra thing on…its so fitted so its so hard to get on and impossible for anyone to do it by them selves. Then the dress… I got lost in all the layers and needed help with that too so Colleen (Patrick’s sister) was helping me out. She then processed to sip it up…I was sucking in all that I could and she said it wasn’t budging. She got it half way up and it would not go anymore. I told her to call her mom in and for sure she could do it…but no! It was not moving. I wanted to cry right there!!! What the heck I just got the dress like 3 months ago and I already can’t fit into it! So now I am on a diet and trying to exercise like crazy to loose all this weight before the big day so I cam actually fit into my dress and not look like a fat cow! I never thought I would be one of those people who couldn’t fit into their wedding dress.

I really think all this weight gain is due to stress. Since I have had my new job I have gained 10 pounds! CRAZY! I hate it and I am trying to de-stress my life but its not working…well as far as job stress goes. I work a crazy amount of hours each week and I made it a point to not work past my 8 hours but they are always asking me to do these urgent things right when I’m about to leave! I have been walking on my lunches and walking to pick up India from her day care. I think that would be a little over 2 miles I am walking a day. I really need to get my butt to the gym though. I am going to really push myself because I can’t afford not to loose this weight!

Other than that everything is looking good. I’ve gotten a lot more things for the wedding now I just need a few small things and I am good. I cant wait but at the same time I am super nervous cuz I just want everything to turn out alright.

Wedding tip- ELOPE! (you save money and your sanity!)

Good Friend??

Am I a good friend?

I would like to think I am but for some reason I don't think other people know. I am not all girly and giddy like alot of other girls I know and I don't like to call when I have nothing to talk about. I also don't like to think that I am the only one trying in a friendship. I don't like to be the only one calling or inviting or whatever it is.

I really don't think people understand how much they mean to me. Pretty much all my friends over the years I don't ever stop thinking about, never stop caring.

I miss so many of my friends and its sad because our friendships ended mainly because we didn't keep in contact as much as I would like.

I just want everyone to know that I still care! I love all my friends no matter how much of a friend they think they are to me.

XOXO

Precious Moments

Ok sorry for the last blog…a bit depressing, I know. However despite that whole mess the last two weeks have been great!

First off I was looking on craigslist like I do all the time and searched for boxers in the pets section. This is pretty much an everyday thing that I do just to see what is out there but Patrick made it clear that we could not get one. I don’t know if I wore him out with all the craigslist links I have been emailing him at work or seeing all the dogs there are at our apartment complex but I saw this ad for a 3 year old boxer who was up for adoption when his owner got lung cancer and was too sick to take care of him. I sent him the link and I heard nothing back the whole day. Later that night I asked him if he saw it and how cute the dog was and he asked if I emailed the person back. Well NOOOO I didn’t know I could! He told me to email them and see how much the adoption fee was and everything and I did. We could afford it so Patrick agreed to go check the dog out.


We arranged with the lady who was fostering the dog to go out on Saturday to see him and decide whether or not to adopt him. I was so excited I told everyone at work I was getting a new dog! (Even though we were just looking and nothing was final) I was too excited! Patrick worked on Saturday morning like usual and I was all ready by the time he got off but then the news came… we could not go to get the dog that day. I was sorta sad until he told me why. He got free tickets to the Washington Nationals game for that night! And it was not just any Nationals game it was the first game of the season and it was being played in a brand spankin new stadium! It was awesome! The stadium was so clean… the game sorta sucked but come on we made history! Our seats were great too just a few rows up from the field right behind first base! We were in the rich season holders section and I loved it.

The next day we drove out to BFE Virginia to check out the dog. As soon as we saw him we knew. He was so cute, calm and just loving! Patrick fell in love with him and before you knew it we were driving away with our new dog. So far he has been great. The lady was one of those crazy old ladies that take in animals and everything was dirty and smelly in her house. I was glad to take the dog out of there! We got him food and everything and gave him a bath that he wasn’t too fond of but man he was dirty! We just found out the other day that he has Kennel Cough (a common virus among dogs that are grouped together) and it sucks and I feel bad for the dog constantly coughing but it should be better soon. Now I can’t imagine our family with out him!


This last weekend was India’s 3rd Birthday (or Durrrdaaa as she likes to call it). We decided to take India to the National Zoo in DC and had tons of fun! She had a blast and got an adorable cheetah stuffed animal! She is so spoiled already so for her present we just got her a ton of clothes and so did Patrick’s family. For her actual birthday day Patrick’s parents took us all out to a Japanese Steak House were its pretty much a diner and show. It was great! We had a blast! India loved the fire!

I am so happy. My life is pretty good right now (other than my weight issue at the moment!) Patrick and I are both doing great at our jobs making more money than most at our age with out degrees and we have a great place, great child and now great dog! Our wedding is coming up soon and I can’t wait! I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been in my life! I don’t see us going anywhere but up from here!

XOXO

PADOOO! (Thats what India calls him)

Aint he cute!?

In front of the new stadium

Patricks cheesy smile

Count it 9 rows up from the field!!!

Cheese!

A Little Explanation

Ok I know I do not have to explain myself but I guess for anyone out there who stumbles across my page and decides to pass judgment with out even telling me who they are. I feel that they do not know the whole story and really they should keep their opinions to them selves since it is not doing any good and you aren’t going to “save” me from a comment you wrote on my chatterbox.

Most people who have known my family “forever” know that all of the kids were adopted and there was always a new baby in the house. It was pretty hard growing up and actually receiving the attention you wanted when you had to pretty much compete with 7 kids. Ginger was the favorite, Lisette was the wild one who received most of the negative attention, however attention none the less, Josh was the only boy for a while and was another one of my parents favorites, Tyree who came later was then the youngest and extremely hyper so he took a lot of my parents time and energy. Oh and don’t forget all the babies, my parents were foster parents who took special needs kids so on top of the 5 kids they had they would take in more that actually needed even more attention than a regular baby! And then there was me… I am sorta the black sheep of the family, never really fit in! I would always be made fun of by my family and not only by my siblings, I was told things like pizza face, or since I was always the thinner one in the family my family would swear that I was anorexic or throwing up my food, they would make fun of the one thing I was self conscience about or just pick out any flaw that I might have had. I was always called selfish also and that one hurt the most. I am still emotionally scarred from all that. I don’t have much self confidence at all and they are still saying how ugly I am and how fat I look! And no I am not exaggerating they actually say to my face that I am ugly and yes even my mom.

I’m sure that you are thinking that all that doesn’t sound too bad, my parents are good people, caring and self giving to help all these children. However, my mom is different. She took in kids for another reason that most people don’t know about but it was obvious to those who lived there. Since all the kids were older she no longer had anyone who actually needed her, we were all pretty self sufficient and even though being stubborn teens we couldn’t out right say so but we all needed her. She decided to fill that void with these kids, she loved the attention she got from them and the attention she got from other people that praised her that she is so wonderful and giving. I even told her that instead of helping these other children she needs to help the children in her house first and I pretty much pleaded with her to not take in any more babies but she didn’t listen. I asked for my moms help and she did not give it.

As far as religion goes my parents are hypocrites. According to their religion and most others the father is the head of the house hold, but not in my family. My mom runs everything, even when my dad makes an honest effort to do something she will go behind his back and do it her way. Rated R movies are often watched in my parent’s house mainly by my mom, gluttony, gossip, and passing judgment are things that are normal for their house hold. All my life I tried to do what was right but it never seemed good enough for my mom or really anyone else. I really had good intentions and when I was 18 I slipped up a little. I do not think it was right and as soon as it happened I went to the elders in our congregation and poured my heart out, I believed that the reason that that happened to me was because I was not attending meetings and I was not doing what I was supposed to. I was so sorry and I was willing to come back and make every effort to make it right and never let that happen again! I guess it was that in my case people could actually see what I did wrong and I was disfellowshipped. According to that religion you are only disfellowshipped if you are not repentant, they say. So I was totally confused as to why I got disfellowshipped and really hurt by it, I knew that people would think that I didn’t learn my lesson and that I wasn’t sorry for what I did even though I was. It hurt.

Never the less, I was determined to be reinstated in the least amount of time, I went to all the meetings and everything while people stared as I got bigger and bigger and I heard all the whispering behind my back and I still went. It was the hardest time in my life! I had no where to turn my parents never gave birth to a child so I had no clue what was going on with me and I couldn’t talk to anyone! How fair is that? I did get reinstated in a pretty short amount of time and everything was going pretty well. I had India and got this great job. About 2 months after I had India my mom snapped and actually attacked me and started slapping me in the face and swinging her fists at me all while I had India in my arms. I was so distraught by that situation and so scared for my child that I called the police. While they were on the way I was thinking of what I did, my mom would loose everything if I pressed charges on her and I know she would not be happy and I still had to live there. So when the police got there I did not press charges. It didn’t matter though because my mom was pissed! My mom out right told me that she did not want to see my face, if she was down stairs I had to be up stairs and visa versa. I was pretty much confined to my room with a newborn baby. It was hard to live in an environment like that and I eventually got sick of it. I saw a way out and I took it. Again not the smartest decisions and I knew it. That year soon became the worst year of my life.

Later I made another attempt to do what was right and I started attending meetings again even though I never really meant to stop before. However after my second meeting I was stopped by an elder and told that if I want to continue to come that I would have to talk to them first. That scared me. I didn’t see why I could not attend for a while until I was ready to talk but I guess those were the rules. I was extremely discouraged. I was living in Whittier at the time and I felt like everywhere I went people were watching me and going back to my family and telling them things. I was an adult and could not even step out of my house with out someone noticing.

I had a good friend at that time and I would relate all my feelings to that person about all that was going on. I was told that you don’t have to be perfect for God to love you and as long as you have faith and know what is wrong and right and not necessarily what a certain religion says that how can God not love you. That really made me feel better and now that is how I live.

I am so sick of people judging me and saying that every little thing I do is wrong. I was once told that saying “Gosh” was wrong since it sounds so close to God and if I say that I am using Gods name in vane! Can you believe that? I am also so so sick of people saying that I am a bad parent because I am not bringing my daughter up in this religion. But what I want to say is what other 18 year old do you know that got pregnant and after going through all that, has her life together? I am not relying on anyone right now. I have a great place and India is one of the healthiest kids I know, super happy and extremely confident. I have never been on welfare and have always worked so I can support her. She does not go one day with out hearing that I love her! What other person in my situation can say that? All the people who I know who got pregnant when they were a teen still go out and party as if they do not have a kid, they leave their kids with their parents and go out and do what they want. They don’t have a job and rely on people’s tax money to support them. Not me!

No I am not having my child grow up in a religion that everything she does is under a microscope, that people choose their religion over the families, that even though it is supposed to be God that is judging you other people take it upon themselves to judge you. No I am not having my child grow up that way but I will not stop her if later that is something she wants.

Now you tell me that I am a bad parent!

My Daughter!

I am sure most of you know that I love my daughter India. She is the best thing in my life! Ever since I had her when I was 18 I have taken all responsibility to make sure she is safe, that she has everything she will ever need or want. It has been hard but I have sacrificed alot to do so. I haven't had too much outside help other than pretty much my friends support. I would trade nothing for her and even though I haven't had the life I have always dreamt of I am happy.

Most of you know that her "sperm donor" dad hasn't been in the picture too much. I did live with him for a while but that whole time he was controlling, abusive mentally and physically, took advantage of me and my money. I had so many things I had to pay off or debt I found my self in because of him he also managed to loose alot of my person items that held very sentimental value to me. It was the worst year of my life but I got through it. I paid everything off and my credit was never harmed. (Thank God!) After moving he didn't try to see her much at all but I was willing to work with him so he is in her life. (don't ask me why.) With all my attempts to help him out he never really tried to be apart of her life.

Eventually we moved on I found the love of my life and he came into India's life. Since then we have moved to Virginia, away from everything. We are planning on getting married and possibly Patrick to adopt India after. Patrick is India's daddy, she loves him and he lover her and our family is complete.

Three months away from our wedding and I hear that Joey wants to make a "Comeback" and he wrote a whole crappy blog to that affect:

Today is a new day, Today is my Comeback! Current mood: confident
The are only a few things you can take out of a persons life, friends come and go all the time, people mess up and lose there homes there cars and the way of life (Damn you Bush hahaha) but one thing that you will never be able to strip from a person is there heart, and there family............ As long as you have the heart to stand up and fight for what you know you deserve, you know that you love, you know that no one else should try and take part of or replace then you will have the will to continue, the will to change your life around for the better and take back what you know should have not been taken away from you to begin with. There is no one (NO ONE!!!!) that can stop you or stand in your way...... this is something that a certain someone is about to find out very soon, that no matter how much you take from that person, with the heart they have inside them, they will COMEBACK and not for revange, not to destroy your life or your hope, but just to take back which rightfully belongs to them, i have made my COMEBACK, you will see my return (no drama intended).

Daddy loves his baby!

I guess he never loved her enough before since he didn't do much before. Oh and all that crap about how he is going to take back what is rightfully his like she is some object. And that she was taken away from him. For your information when I moved I told him that he can come out to see her when ever he wants. That he would have to help out with child support about $500 a month and the month that he wants to see her then he doesn't have to pay so he can use that money towards a plane ticket or whatever. I thought that was super nice. I never took him to court for child support or anything, mainly cuz he was not on the birth certificate and I really never wanted him on it. I have just gotten used to our family with out him in it. I couldn't imagine India going with someone she doesn't even know, she doesn't remember him at all. He doesn't know anything that has gone on with her in the last year or so. Why now! I also watched Gone Baby Gone after I read and got stressed about this whole situation. Not the best movie to watch when you are scared about someone else trying to take your child.

If anyone has any suggestions, I am all up for it! Thanks for reading!

Here our some pics of the family:

On the Cleanse

I was doing so well until about 7pm I had to eat something, but it really was for the better. India ended up getting the flu and passing it on to Patrick and I. I haven't been to work for pretty much the whole week but I can't do much about it. I felt horrible! It took everything in me not to throw up (I hate throwing up with a passion)! My whole body hurt and I couldn't eat (sorta upside to being sick) and could barely move. Oh and this had to be when we don't have cable and my phone is broken so I was totally bored on top of it all!

So the cleanse would not have been so great to continue at that time. I still think it would be good to do but just not now. It is super hard tho... the hunger is so strong the first few days. I just wanted to chew anything. Oh well... I will let you all know if I ever decide to do it again.

On the plus side of being sick I have lost 4 pounds! I have been eating but not too much, mostly saltine crackers and some cereal. Hopefully when I feel better I can keep it off and even loose more. We went to the store a few days ago before I felt so bad and got a ton of healthy food, fruits, yogurt, veggies and whole grain wheat bread. I plan on exercising when I have the energy and hopefully I can loose 10 lbs by my wedding or sooner. =) That would be great!

Again, wish me luck! =)

current weight 136

Master Cleanse/ Day One!

Ok I haven't had Internet since we moved to our new apartment and the cable ppl are dumb but I really want to write about what I am doing right now:

I have started the Master Cleanse. It is a cleanse (not a diet) of a lemonade mixture that you drink for 10 days straight with no food. You drink a laxative tea before you go to bed and a saline flush in the morning and that's it! It cleans all the nasty toxins out of your body that fast food and bad habits leave behind.

I am on day 1. I have had 2 drinks so far and they are not that bad. They are made with water, lemon juice, pure maple syrup grade B, and cayenne pepper. It tastes like watered down lemonade with a bit of a kick! ;) I am doing pretty good so far. I am hungry but its really not that bad. I have been peeing alot tho! Probably to flush out toxins...

I am doing this to start clean. I have gained about 10 lbs since I have been in Virginia and its depressing. I hate it...I am the biggest I have ever been with out being pregnant. I want to shrink my stomach so I am not always hungry and eat so much. I am hoping to do this cleanse and then go on a real diet with healthy vegetables and fruits and hopefully it will be a little easier if I start this way first. I want to take before and after pictures. I am a bit scared to post them since I am so low on self esteem cuz of my weight. I have read alot about this cleanse and you loose alot of weight fast but you should expect to gain at least half of it back once you go back to eating...(big reason why this is not a diet)! I still want to keep track of how much I weigh everyday and I am going to keep a diary of everything over the next 10 or so days.

Wish me luck!

current weight: 140 =( so sad!

Easiest 20 Bucks EVER!

I tried my hand at selling something on Craigslist.com for the first time. I wanted to sell this drafting table that I got (for free) to use for my drawings...but never really used. We are moving to a new apartment at the end of the month and I wanted it gone! I took some pictures and posted it on craigslist. The next day I got a message and in a few hours they were here to pick it up and I made $20 off something I got for free!

Is that wrong?

I am also trying to sell our mini fridge, a vintage lamp, and my small TV. I have had some interest and hope to make more money soon! Its fun! It was really the easiest thing ever!

I did recently attempt to buy something off craigslist and it didn't work out so well. I was trying to buy a veil and I spoke with the lady and agreed that I would come to her place and pick it up. I went at the time we agreed and even saw her go into her house but when I went up to the door she didn't answer. I called a few times and still no answer! I was a bit annoyed and swore that the next day I saw that same lady trying to sell the veil for more money.

Oh well. I tried. I do want to let ppl know that they should always be careful with things like this. People coming to your place or you going to their...you should always bring someone with you or be prepared. I am always equipped with my mase that I will not be afraid to use if I need to! =)

A Ton of Thoughts

I am sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blogging lately. I have been so busy and tremendously stressed that I have all these things going on in my head that I just haven't had a clear moment to express myself.

I have been sorta bummed lately. I totally miss California! I don't have many friends here and its just sad. I don't do as much at all compared to what I did in CA. Its also so damn cold here and it seems to last forever! I love being close to Patrick's family but they are moving to Tenn. in a couple years and I really don't want to be stuck in Virginia. I really can't see myself living her for too much longer. I just don't know where to go from here.

As far as the wedding goes...its going...going slowly. I have never planned a wedding before and really haven't even been apart of one that I had much involvement in so I don't know what I am doing. I so far just have my dress and the reception venue... I still need flowers, a DJ, someone to marry us, and all the small things. Things are really adding up too. Patrick and I had a brief thought of just flying out to Vegas and getting married. That way our friends from CA can drive out and we would have a blast and it was be just a fraction of the cost of the wedding. But Patrick's parents really want us to have a nice wedding for the family.

I am trying everything I can to cut costs and still make everything look great but it is hard! Patrick's parents are helping out and I sent a card to my mom asking her if she would like to pitch in as well (we don't talk much). She called me out of the blue one day before she got the card and was very pleasant. Then after she got my card I heard from my sister that she was going to help us out with the wedding. I was so excited to hear that but I didn't get my hopes up too high since I hadn't heard anything from my mom yet. Well the other day my sister called again and said my mom changed her mind and that she doesn't want to help anymore. I don't really know what changed her mind since I haven't done anything or said anything to her this whole time. I am super bummed tho. I don't even know if I really want her to come if she is not going to help out. I know I shouldn't expect anything but when my sister has everything paid for like her apartment, food, school and everything for her kid, my sister has no source of income so obviously she gets enough money to live, my other sister as well, my parents bought her a car, they pay for her insurance, she doesn't have to pay rent since she lives with my grandma, her cell phone is paid for and everything and she has a job! All the other kids get everything paid for but me. I get nothing, not even help with India. I never have! The only thing my mom paid for was half of a plane ticket to Georgia to visit my grandma when she had breast cancer. She even wanted me to pay her back but my dad said no.

I don't want to complain and I have gotten along fine with out their help but how would you feel? I really want to go to school and I cant because I work full time and I don't have enough money to right now. I am the only child so far that my parents haven't paid for to go to school. I am not sure what I did. I cant say its cuz I got pregnant at 18. My sister, the one that doesn't have a job, she just had her 3rd kid 6 months ago and she is only 22! My mom adopted the 2 other ones. She has been living on a off the streets for the last 4 or so years, on and off drugs, in jail and rehab and now she is getting everything she wants. I don't get it!

Ok sorry for the venting but I really needed to get that off my chest! In other news...starting Monday I am on a mission to loose about 7lbs in a month. I hope to average about 2lbs a week. I am quiting sodas for now (that is going to be so hard since I'm totally addicted to Diet Coke!), I am going to work out at least 3 times a week for 30 minutes, not eat out, eat breakfast and bring my lunch to work. I really hope I can make it. I have been gaining weight like crazy and it was sorta sad when I got my dress that it was a little tight! Ever since I have been in Virginia I have not been under a certain weight and it just sad! So wish me luck!

Urban Dictionary

Yay for Urban Dictionary.com, for the not very urban Cuban that I am. I wanted to look up some words I have recently heard first one was “parking lot” I have heard this in a lot of songs lately and had no clue what the heck it meant. I heard it first in that “lovey dovey kiss kiss kiss” song I think it was during Chris Browns part after singing about his Lamborghini he says, “we parkin lot”. At first thought I thought it was something like doin it in the car or something but what I found on Urban Dictionary was totally off my thought: “n. The parking lot is the space between a woman's vagina and anus where the man's scrotum can "park" Ewwww… that’s nasty! I also don’t see how that would be such a good thing that you even sing about it. Weird! (oh and I like how it underlines certain words so I can look those up as well if I am not sure of the meaning… =P)

The second one was “Hyphy” I saw this on my friends myspace, “Jessx gets Hyphy” so I looked it up…
1 : dangerous and irrational: CRAZY;
2 : amusingly eccentric; without inhibition: GOOFY

That sounds like it is more on that the other definition and it makes sense. So I’m glad I learned something! =)

On another note… I have been super busy with work and planning my wedding. I haven’t had too much time to update my blogs but then again I don’t want to bore people with wedding stuff. I will say that I did buy my dress…its simple and elegant and a great price and I have just about booked my reception venue.

My job has been super stressful in the past few weeks but I am looking up because I read my horoscope and things are going to pay off soon! I go on Astrology Zone.com it is Susan Millers website, she is the one who writes all the horoscopes in the big magazines… she is awesome and even if it is not true it makes me have a more positive outlook on things. It does sometimes scare me with how accurate it can be so I highly recommend at least taking a look.

The Good Die Young

I have realized I don’t handle death that easily. Lately it seems to be everywhere; all these young people are dying. My friend Jackie, then Brad Renfro (I don’t think a lot of people know him but I had the biggest crush on him when he played Tom in Tom and Huck) and now Heath Ledger. It really has made me realize how precious life is and how anyone can go at any time. I feel as if I don’t have enough time. I’m not ready to go yet and I wish I could be certain it wont happen for a long long time but there is no way of knowing. It’s scary…

My heart goes out to those who have past and their families. May they rest in peace.

Recent Wedding News

I should apologize for my long blog below. The most important thing was in the first paragraph so I don’t mind if you don’t read the whole thing…I was just going on about how dumb my neighbors below us are.

Anywho, in regards to my previous blog about my wedding being…not so much what I was planning…forget that! Once Patrick’s parents found out they offered to help out a little with the cost. They said they really thought it would be great for the family to get together in a nice formal setting so they’d like to help. I think things are going to be a little different though…instead of my much dreamed up outdoor wedding I think we are going to opt for a nice catholic wedding (mainly for Patrick’s parents). I am just a little nervous about what my parents are going to think since they are the most devout of Jehovah’s Witnesses. I know they will be disappointed. However, they have to realize that I have chosen a different path in life out side of the Jehovah’s Witnesses religion. They are pretty much already disappointed in me so what is one more thing. Also they aren’t helping out with the wedding cost so they don’t have much say in how I plan it. Oh and this is all only if they decide to come.

That’s pretty much it as far as recent news goes. Patrick and I have been working all weekend potty training India. After a few accidents she finally started getting the whole letting us know before its too late thing down on Sunday night. To any mommies out there: if you have any suggestions or know anything that really worked for you, I am up for suggestions! Also any ideas for wedding planning on a budget would be most appreciated.

THANX!

Goin Strong

Instead of weighting myself on Monday mornings I switched to Saturday mornings since I don't do so well over the weekends. I made it to the gym 4 times in my 5 day week between weighing! I am watching what I eat and have been doing pretty well! So when I got on the scale on Saturday morning I was surprised to find out I lost another 3 pounds! So that is 4 pounds lost since the new year! YAY! I'm gonna keep it going and hopefully by summer I can have my bikini body.

Patrick and I are looking for a new place. We like our apartment but we don't have a balcony or anything to really go outside and sit. So we are looking for a nice townhouse so we can have a place of our own oh and a roommate, Its just too expensive out here!

Everything was going fine with our apartments until a few weeks ago our neighbor from down stairs came up and said we were making too much noise. I told her I'm not sure what it could be, and that I have a 2 1/2 year old daughter but there is nothing we can really do about her, she just runs around but I know its not that loud and she goes to bed at 7:30pm. She said we are so loud and its from 6am to 1am, I proceeded to tell her that cannot be us then because we don't get up until 7:30 and we work then after India goes to bed we go to bed at 10:30. I told her to check with the next door neighbors since they just moved in not too long ago. She didn't say much and just left, didn't check at all with the people next door!

So the next week I was home with India and Patrick went to the gym. I was on the computer like usual and India was up playing (again not being too loud) and the girl from down stairs came up again. She said we really need to stop being so loud, I again told her I had no clue what she was talking about since India wasn't being loud and its not like its in the middle of the night or anything. She said its all day everyday! I said I am not home all day everyday, I work and then we don't stay up late at all, I said I'm not a morning person and don't get up at 6. She raised her voice and demanded who it could be if it is not us. I pointed next door and she said no it cannot be them since our kitchen is right above hers. (not to sure what that has to do with it). Then she yelled that she was going to go to the office and tell them we too loud and ran down stairs...I told her "go ahead!"

That annoyed me so much since we have always done what we could to not make too much noise. India got a Christmas present from her grandparents and it was a little thing she can ride and it bounced but we figured it would make too much noise so we kept it at Patrick's parents house. Anywho, I called Patrick all upset that this dumb girl just yelled at me and wont believe that its not us making so much noise. He went over to their apartment to ask them to stop knocking on our door because it is not us and as soon as the girl opened the door and saw who it was she slammed the door in his face! He knocked harder! The guy came to the door and Patrick told him not to knock on our door again and the guy said that they will settle it tomorrow and closed the door. Not knowing what to think of the whole thing, Patrick went to the office and let them know what was going on and if anything happened to any of our things that the guy sounded like he was trying to threaten us. They just said ok.

Patrick got a call from the manager of the apartments the next day and explained that the people down stairs made a complaint about us being loud and how they supposedly came to our door asking us nicely to be quiet and then that Patrick went over there threatening them! OMG! What liars...she came to me all mad and yelling at me. So I am not too happy, the manager didn't want to listen to Patrick and only wanted to believe the dumb people down stairs! I've sorta been loud now...we are only here for another 2 months or so so I am gonna be loud...even though its not really loud and its only during the day because like I said I am not up to late or that early and I'm at work all day. It kept me up a few nights since I was just so upset that they are being so mean. I listened to all the noises I heard at night and was just more upset cuz it wasn't us and I'm sure the people downstairs still thought it was.

Anywho they really cant do much. They think they are going to get us kicked out but they cant prove we are being loud and even if they call the cops, unless it is after 10 or something I don't think they can do much. So if they hear something at 1 in the morning and want to call the cops on us go ahead cuz they are just going to find that we were sleeping. I can't wait to leave this place now! Getting a townhouse will make it so we wont have to worry about dumb neighbors that think we are too loud! SO wish us luck that we just find a nice place in our price range!

2008 So Far...

It’s a week into the New Year and I am so far been doing pretty good about my new years resolutions…

As for my diet: I was doing so good Tuesday to Friday, eating 1000 to 1500 calories a day, and good things for you too. Saturday I slipped a little and got back on track on Sunday. I was so excited to weigh myself this morning and see how my hard work has paid off! I get up go to the bathroom, relieve myself (don’t want that extra water weight) and weigh myself and what does it say? ONLY 1 POUND LIGHTER. I swear I though it was going to be 4 or 5 but no just 1. Instead of being discouraged like I would usually get I’ve just gotten more determined to loose this dumb weight I have put on! So I am going to try harder and exercise more and we will see where I am a week from now!

As for the money diet: We have been doing ok. I made a huge and very hard decision the other day. Instead of the wedding I was planning on having, Patrick and I have decided to go to the court and get married and have a small reception type thing after. I figure it wasn’t worth spending thousands of dollars on something so small that only about 50 people would be attending, if that. So we are opting out and deciding on saving the money and doing something small and then a nice honeymoon, (planning on a cruise to the Caribbean). Its hard knowing you won’t have what you have dreamed of your whole life, but my parents weren’t going to help out and we can always renew our vows later and have a nice ceremony then. It will be better this way, or I just need to keep telling myself that.

Other than all that, things have been going pretty well. We are looking for a new place when out lease ends in March. We are looking for a nice townhouse with a yard to rent with a roommate. I’m sick of living in an apartment and having to worry about how loud you are and make sure your not walking too hard so your neighbors below don’t get mad. So I just hope it works out and we get a nice place. Wish us luck!

Again… HAPPY NEW YEAR!