Tough Love

I have decided that I am going to give Patrick a break. I am going to stop talking to him everyday and see if he even cares. I love him so much but the way I have felt for the last year sux! I feel rejected and not wanted and I am really getting sick of it! He keeps leading me on and I am letting him. I have given him the option to walk away and say goodbye but he doesn’t take it and he still tells me he loves me but doesn’t know if he wants to get back together just yet. I think I have waited long enough.

I really want to start dating again. I have been single for almost a year now and I am really getting that itch. I want to feel loved and I want to share things with someone again. I really want to feel those butterflies again! I just really have no clue how to go about it. Where do I look? I am a little apprehensive because I know most guys my age are not keen on the idea of dating someone with a kid so it’s a little harder for me. Plus where do I find the time and who is going to watch India? I can’t take her on my dates and I really would rather them not meet her until I am a little more serious about them also.

I have been watching that show, Tough Love on VH1 and man I really need something like that! And the guys they are being hooked up with are H.O.T! Not sure if any of you follow the show but Brock is just what I am looking for. LOL! I am still convinced that I found the man of my dreams and I let him go but I am waiting for someone to prove me wrong.

I will keep everyone updated on my endeavors. And if anyone has any dating tips I would love to hear them!

Refreshed

He hehe… I am updating! YAY.

So I actually have some good news to report too. SO much has happened in the last few months and it looks like things are getting better for me. So in a nutshell… I moved. I love my roommates they are awesome down to earth people and even tho they are a little messier than I would prefer they are super nice and easy to get along with. My roommate Crystall has a daughter that is 2 months younger than India so its perfect.

I got a new job. Its temp to perm but it’s a job regardless. I make more money and once I get hired on permanent I will be making even more money!

I don’t think I wrote before that while India was in CA her “sperm donor” decided to file for custody so there was this automatic restraining order keeping both parents from taking her out of the state so I could not take her home! =0( I was so stressed! He wanted full custody and just to give me visitation! Well I went to court in CA the other week and it ended up getting dismissed since CA does not have jurisdiction and I was able to take her home with me! I am so happy to see her again and she is not leaving my side!

I have cut off my family completely! They are psycho and I am convinced my mother is a sociopath. I do not think it is healthy to have them apart of India’s or my life any longer. Anyone want to adopt me? =0P

I got my tax return back and was able to pay a lot of the bills I had been putting off. I am still struggling a little now that India is back but I am sure I will catch up soon.

And now as for Patrick… this is the one that I really wish I could report some great news on but it’s pretty much the same. We still see each other every once in a while. We did start seeing each other almost every Sunday and I would stay over at his place and I loved it. I loved waking up to his face in the morning and obviously enjoyed the night before! ;0) Sorry but I do have my needs! We went to the movies recently and saw Watchmen and we had so much fun! Sadly he is still seeing someone. I kind of feel bad but I love even the little time me and him spend together and I cant give it up. I don’t know who she is, I don’t even know her name and I don’t want to! I will probably hate that name or it will make me sad every time I hear it. I really want to move things along more with him and I am getting tired of waiting but I can’t bring myself to do anything because I am so scared of completely loosing him. But we still email back and forth everyday and I think if I continue on this track I might have a good chance.

We will see.