HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I know that I haven't posted on here in a while but my life has been a roller coaster for the last few months. My life went spiraling down and I have been trying to get back on my feet ever since. Some things are getting better slowly and others I am still working on.

As for Patrick, I don't even know anymore. The situation is complicated and now I am just waiting on him. We still hang out and when we do its like we have never been apart and I'm sure if a stranger saw us they would think we were together. I guess he is still apprehensive to the idea of us getting back together and in some ways I understand but I have tried to reassure him that it will not be the same as before. Before was not bad but I think he is scared that it will be like we are married again when he really needs to concentrate on himself right now with work and school. He tells me that he doesn't want to have to support me and he wants me to be able to do it on my own. I don't want to have to be supported and I tell him that all the time but currently my job situation is not the best and I really need to be making more money but I am working on it. He tells me he still loves me and I know he does, I can see it in his eyes. But I am not ready to let go, I am still trying no matter what...I am not going to let the best thing in my life go!

India is in California with my family at the moment. My mom offered to watch her for a while so I can get back on my feet. However, that was not the best idea. My family has been going behind my back doing things that they know that I would not approve of concerning my daughter and they do it anyway with out my knowledge. It is extremely frustrating and I know they are only doing it to get under my skin. I cannot wait to get her back I miss her so much, it has proven to be alot harder than I imagined. As for my family, once I get her back it will be a LONG while until they see or hear from me or my daughter again.

So 2008 proved to be a really hard year full of unexpected surprises and hardships. I am going to make 2009 better if it kills me! Most people resolve to loose weight but this year I am going to be more organized, more responsible and make sure I am headed in the right direction for my future. I am really trying but it's frustrating that these things take time. For now I am staying in VA, still looking for a new job that pays better, and of course fighting to get Patrick back.

WISH ME LUCK!

and if anyone has any ideas or suggestions for sweet things I can do to show Patrick I am the one, I am all ears!

Also, thank you all for your support in reading my blog. I will try to update more often. Hope everyone had a happy new year!