Something old, something new, something barrowed, something blue and a sixpence in her shoe.

So there's my ring! Isn't it just b-e-a-u-tiful! It wasn't too much of a surprise since I went with him to pick it out. I love it tho!

I know this is supposed to be really exciting for me, and it is, I just keep thinking about how things will go from here. Nothing in my life has gone right. I never celebrated my birthday until 2 years ago and never had my own party or really anything my own. No special day or anything remotely close. So my whole life I just wanted my wedding day to be my special day. I don't need anything big but I really want to do everything traditionally. I want an engagement party, take engagement photos, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinner, wedding, reception... the whole thing!

We still don't know what Patrick wants to do as far as the military goes. More and more I think about it I get scared. I wish there was an easier way. But if he does join we will have to be married and we will most likely do it at a court since we most likely won't have time or money to plan anything. He said I can have my wedding later but I really don't think it will be as special and why would we spend money on it later when we are all ready married? All of that just makes me sad. I don't want to be so selfish but really this is supposed to be the most important day in a girls life and I have known how I wanted it to go since I was a little girl. I guess we will just see how things go...

Also, lately I have been thinking about how men cheat. Patrick promises me that he never will, but can you truly know that for sure. I have luckily ever had a boyfriend cheat on me. I don't think I could take it. My self esteem really isn't high at all and I cant imagine it being too much lower. I have a friend who was with her boyfriend for about the same time Patrick and I have been together and he ended up cheating on her. Were there signs? Was their relationship fine up until that point? He really seemed to genuinely love her so if baffles my mind why he would cheat on her. It seems like cheating plays a big role in a lot of marriages ending. That scares me. How do you know? I don't want to not trust Patrick and turn him away but is it really safe to fully trust him??? I never want to get divorced...I really don't consider it an option so this marriage thing is really big to me and is starting to make me a bit nervous!