Shedding a New Light

It’s funny how things can change so suddenly. One day you think you have your whole life figured out and then the next you have no clue. One day I was all ready and willing to get married and thought I had found the man of my dreams and I am still not sure if it was cold feet or something else but it all ended.

For the most part I am glad I have this opportunity to reflect, to really look at my life and ask my self, “What do I want?” I think I have had this perception of how I want to be my whole life; however, I still have not achieved it. I feel like I don’t even look the way I want because I care too much about what everyone else thinks and I have chosen the “safe” way. I have really put what I want on hold for everyone else and I think I was kind of getting sick of it. Obviously I still have to put India before myself and I have done that and will continue to do that.

So right now I am going to try to be more independent. I have been pretty sheltered my whole life and soon after I turned 18 I was pregnant so I have never really had time on my own to experience new things and be independent. I need to do that for myself now. It’s going to be hard but I think I can manage.

I know everyone has heard this before but I guess I just realized how true it is… you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. I don’t think I have ever really been even ok with myself and it’s hard. I am working on it and will continue to work on it for myself and no one else. I am not trying to empress anyone but just be happy with myself. I cannot stress enough how important that is before you get into a relationship. I also think it is good to have some independence before you jump into a marriage. You need to know for yourself that you can survive on your own and not rely on anyone else to help you. That way the relationship will have a healthy balance.

I am gaining a whole new outlook on life and I’m excited to see where it will take me.